The crying episode

There I was, a 22 year-old Senior in college, only one semester left and only 1 chemistry credit standing between me and my bachelor's degree. Matt had already graduated and was working at Sun Valley, coming back to Pocatello on weekends.

I had dropped the 3 credit chemistry class in favor of a 1 credit chemistry lab I had convinced my advisor to accept. It was a week into the semester; I had missed the first day, never had a chemistry lab before, but... how hard could it be. It was only one credit after all.

I walk into the lab and people (students) are busy, wearing appropriate, protective eyewear and moving about carrying glass containers full of colored liquids. The teacher hands me the lab notebook and shows me to an empty seat. The objective of all the labs was to take an unknown substance and go through a series of steps to identify the aforementioned unknown substance. But all I saw were busy people, in protective eyewear who looked like they knew exactly what they were doing.

I started to read the lab notebook. It was written in a foreign language. Words I had no comprehension the meaning of like beaker and vial blurred in front of my eyes.

I started to cry. Quietly but unceasingly.

It wasn't just the protective eyewear, of which I had none, or the words I didn't understand. All I kept thinking was, "This 1 credit is going to keep me from getting my degree, I have worked for 5 years and this one credit is going to keep me from getting my degree."

The professor (who was the sweetest old man, typical tenured professor, complete with ear hair and cardigan sweater) kept trying to comfort me and explain things to me.

I was beyond comfort. Every time I would stop crying and think I had pulled myself together I would look around at the bustling, protective eyewear wearing students and the waterworks would begin anew.

I couldn't stop crying.

I took my leave of the class, cried the whole way across campus, started crying again as soon as I had Matt on the phone, cried myself to sleep on the couch while I waited for him.

My knight in shining armor with his own set of protective eyewear, drove 3 hours to Pocatello. I awoke in the dark, wrapped in Matt's fuzzy blanket to the sound of the door opening. We sat hip to hip on the couch as he carefully explained the lab, complete with pictures of a beaker vs. a test tube etcetera. He found me his old safety glasses (so much better than the safety goggles they had in lab that left that unsightly ring around the eyes and on the forehead.) And left the next morning at 5:00 am to get to work.

Well, needless to say, I walked into the next lab, confident in my own glasses with notes in the margins of the first lab assignment. The teacher was very kind (and probably a little afraid I might cry again.) I did so well that when I found out I was pregnant later in the semester the teacher pro-rated the remaining labs because he didn't want me around the chemicals. I got like a 97 percent.

And so I learned more valuable lessons:

#1 Personal protective eyewear can be very intimidating on other people and empowering on oneself.

#2 Sometimes we can't do it ourselves, no matter how strong our will we lack the knowlege we need to be saved. We need help from a higher power, one that knows far more that we do.

This is also a good life lesson. That day (and many days since) Matt was my rescuer. But what we all need in a Savior, someone who can do for us what we cannot do for ourselves. And we have one. But only if we choose to give Him our burdens can He take them.